I had an abortion and cannot forgive myself

Hear this first: there is no sin category that sits outside God's mercy, and the promise 'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness' (1 John 1:9) has no footnote excluding you. God does not offer partial forgiveness - 'as far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us' (Psalm 103:12), and 'There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus' (Romans 8:1). The grief you carry may include mourning your child, and that grief is allowed - David grieved his lost little one and expected to see him again: 'I shall go to him' (2 Samuel 12:23).

What is not allowed to have the last word is shame, because shame keeps punishing after God has pardoned - that is not holiness, it is unbelief in his mercy (Romans 2:4). You do not have to carry this alone: many churches and ministries offer confidential post-abortion grief support with others who have walked this road. God's kindness toward you did not end that day.

It has not ended now.